Why Do You Exist Here?
by Katryna Starks
A few years ago, I watched a brand new sci-fi show called Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The show featured a space crew who went around responding to intergalactic incidents. In the premier episode, the crew encountered an empty ship in space. When they boarded the ship to investigate, they realized that they were not alone. Mysterious aliens were on the ship. They were made of light, and they communicated in both words and pictures. The crew was on the ship for several days, and periodically they would seize captain Sisko’s mind and replay the moment his wife was killed. Eventually, the crew figured out how to communicate with the aliens. The first thing captain Sisko asked the aliens was “why do you keep torturing me?” but they answered him with a question of their own, “why do you exist here?” The aliens informed that they were not bringing Sisko the image of his wife’s death, he was taking them to it. Although his physical life had moved forward, mentally and spiritually, he never left the moment his wife died. He existed there.
Like captain Sisko, we can exist at some painful point in our past, stuck and unable to move on. God lovingly comes and takes us back to those times, not to torture us, but to heal us. There are several times in the Bible where someone will have a strong desire for something and pray to God for it. Sometimes they will have a promise from God that doesn’t happen for a long time. The wait is painful. But these times are always followed by a wonderful phrase. “And God remembered . . .” God remembered Noah, Sarah, Rachel and Joseph. He lifted them out of their pain, blessed them and helped them move on.
I have an example of this from my own life. My parents divorced when I was seven years old and at first it was amicable, but later it turned ugly. In those years, every time I needed something, it would be the catalyst for my parents to argue. When I was 14, I stopped telling them my needs and my grades dropped. When I was 16, I wondered why they continued to speak to each other when they weren’t married anymore. Then I realized. It was me. I was the only connection they had to one another. I was the reason they fought. If I didn’t exist, they would be free. Mercifully, God reminded me that I would be an adult and away at college shortly, and that would also free them from any obligation to communicate. That was 20 years ago. Still, last year I thought of that situation, and the pain was as fresh as if it all happened yesterday.
Recently, I was on Facebook and I noticed that my cousins were encouraging one another in the Lord. The thing is, they are not directly related to one another. One is my mother’s niece, and the other is my father’s nephew. They are both musicians, and they were talking about a worship concert that he was in and she attended, and another performance where she took the stage and he was in the audience. They called each other cousins. And then it hit me. I am the only connection they have to one another. I am the reason they are family. If I didn’t exist, they wouldn’t necessarily know each other. Through that incident, God healed the pain I felt for tying my parents to each other. I realized that God had a greater purpose for my existence, and it wasn’t to cause others pain.
In our pain, we can be assured that God will remember us, too. When we start being reminded of painful events in our past, sometimes that is a sign that God is coming to heal, restore, and bless.