faithMile

By Katryna Starks

“A saint is just a sinner who fell down …
… and got up”
— Donnie McClurkin

In the companion piece to this one, “We Fall Down . . .”, we took a good, long look at our mistakes and we found out the lessons that we could learn from them. Now, we move from learning to healing as we take a good, long look at forgiveness.

By God

It’s almost too easy. 1 John 1:19 says, “if we confess our sins, then He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” That’s it. No walking through fire or waging war. No tests of endurance or obstacle courses of faith. Just confession and acknowledgement that we have sinned and a desire to restore the relationship with the one we sinned against.

It’s amazing how we tell our children to apologize when they’ve hurt someone, and that their apology makes it all better. The kids usually respond with smiles – eager to continue playing with the one they hurt just a few moments ago. And, also amazing, the other always plays back. But when we hurt God, we slink away from Him, afraid to say “I’m sorry.” Afraid that it won’t be enough.

God says ” I am the one who will blot out your transgressions and remember your sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12) And the price – a deep, sincere and life-changing apology, to which He responds “a contrite heart I will in no way cast out.” (Psalms 51:17)

Do you need to be forgiven by God? Ask, and you shall receive.

Of Others

Jesus told us to pray that our sins would be forgiven – but He also had a request. His word to us was to ask God to forgive us as we forgave others. He even went so far as to say that if we didn’t forgive others, then God would not forgive us. (Matthew 6:15) To Jesus, our forgiveness of others was so important that He even put it above sacrifice, implying that even our sacrifices to God are tainted because of our unforgiveness toward each other.

Is God playing a tit-for-tat game with grace? Of course not. But for us to accept forgiveness and then deny it to others is evil. In our human nature, we would probably want to hurt or wrong others as we have been hurt or wronged. In the same way, we should eagerly forgive others as we have been forgiven.

Of Ourselves

There is someone in your life whom God has forgiven – but you have not.
God doesn’t remember their sins anymore – but you won’t let them forget.
God says they aren’t condemned – but you constantly make them feel guilty.
God says “my grace is sufficient” (2 Cor 12:9) – but you can’t make them pay enough.

Who is the person you’re doing this to?
Take a good look in the mirror – it’s you.

Like the wayward minister in The Scarlet Letter who beats himself with a whip, we berate ourselves with our thoughts and punish ourselves with self-sabotage. We think that it’s a sign of humility to consider ourselves so low, but it’s actually a symbol of pride. “Now, wait just a minute,” you say, “pride is thinking of yourself too highly.” Well, what would you call it when you choose your own condemnation over God’s grace?

If you have asked, then you have been forgiven. God’s word is that “there is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1) and that “he whom the Son sets free, is free indeed.” (John 8:36)

Believe it.
Walk it.
Live it.
It’s done.

Read the companion piece to this article, We Fall Down . . ..

by Katryna Starks

“Take Chances!
Get Messy!
Make Mistakes!”
— Teacher, The Magic School Bus

Mistakes. If you’re anything like me, you hate them. Not other peoples — your own. Making a mistake can make us feel anything from slightly embarrassed to completely stupid — and, in the worst cases, unworthy of God’s love. But, what are mistakes, really? Well, they’re opportunities to learn!

The Same Mistakes

Do you find yourself making the same mistake over and over again? That can be a frustrating experience. But take heart – it’s also a learning experience. Here’s what we can learn from making the same mistakes:

There is a habit, a problem area or a “blind spot” in your life. Think about the last time you made that same mistake. Ask yourself “what lead up to it?” Think about the circumstances around your mistake. Where were you? Who were you with? How did you feel?
Now, think about the time before that one, and each time before that. Were you in similar circumstances? Do you see a pattern? Pray about your mistake. Does God show you a pattern? Stop the pattern and you stop the mistake.

You need to learn a lesson and you keep changing your outward circumstances without learning it. I remember a time in the not-too-distant past when I had a problem with authority. Particularly, the authority at my job. I didn’t have a boss that I liked and I didn’t want to submit to someone who, in my opinion, was wrong (no, I’m not married). In order to not have to submit to my boss, I would find another job. But guess what? My new boss would turn out to have all of the same qualities I didn’t like about my old ones. I finally realized that God was teaching me to submit to authority. Once I humbled myself (and believe me, it was a humbling experience), I ended up in a great job — with a great boss.

You need to work on your relationship with God and it’s manifesting in your life. Do you keep finding that your mistakes involve a lack of trust? Do you need to trust God more? Do your mistakes involve a lack of obedience? Do you obey God? Sometimes God will use situations in our lives as mirrors for our relationship with Him. Strengthen your relationship with God and the vicious cycle will end.

Different Mistakes

As frustrating as it can be to make the same mistakes over and over again, it can be equally jarring to find that you’ve solved one dilemma — only to find yourself in another. Here is what we can learn from our new mistakes:

You’ve dealt with the old issues and you now have new challenges to face. As humans, we all have several issues to deal with and bad habits that need to be corrected. And God fully intends to help us correct every one of them — but not at the same time. If you have conquered a bad habit, but find your attention drawn to another bad habit, then you’ve done well with the first and now your assignment is to work on the second. Best wishes to you. Keep the faith!

You’re still not learning the first lesson, so God has to give it to you another way. Examine the principles behind the mistakes. What is the nature of the solution? Does the new mistake seem to be a lot like the old one? God could be trying to teach you an old thing in a new way.

You’re growing. New mistakes could be the result of launching into uncharted territory. We want God to take us to new heights, but we often don’t want to do the work (or make the mistakes) in order to get there. We rarely learn a new thing by doing it correctly the first time — and being a Christian doesn’t erase the natural learning process. Mistakes are necessary in order to grow. Keep at it. At the end of the process, you will have reached new heights and learned a little perseverance along the way.

No matter what kind of mistakes we make, if we take the time to look deeper and pray, there are lessons to be learned from all of them. One of the most importance lessons we learn from all of our mistakes is the lesson of forgiveness. For more on forgiveness, read the companion article … But We Get Up.

Every Father’s Day, I reflect on God the Father and his love. But God isn’t actually male. God is spirit and doesn’t have a gender. As I read on a recent message board, one could just as easily say “God the Mother”. Even some newer Bibles use gender-neutral language to describe God. So does it matter if God is referred to as “father?” I think it may.

Both mothers and fathers love their children, but very differently. A mother’s love can be seen as somewhat automatic. The child is literally a part of the mother from conception until birth. The mother gains an understanding of her child in the womb. She changes how she eats based on how the baby responds to different foods. She has to go to doctor appointments in order to check the baby’s progress. During a few months of the pregnancy, she can even “play” with the baby by pressing different spots on her stomach, sometimes eliciting a response. By the time the child is born, a lot of bonding has already occurred between baby and mother, and the love she has for her child is seemingly instant and effortless.

Fathers bond with their children as well, but only if they choose to. A father can walk away from his child at the moment of conception and not look back. A man can be a father and not even know there was a pregnancy at all. Even if he is aware, he can choose to be distant. He is not physically obligated to be at prenatal doctor appointments. He doesn’t have to adjust his diet. He doesn’t carry the child inside of him. He doesn’t give birth. In a way, a father has to choose to form a bond with his children. He chooses to stay. He chooses to love.

In that sense, God is both mother and father. God formed humans with direct involvement, as a mother. However, God chose to reveal himself to us as a father. Not because he wanted us to understand any aspect of maleness, but because he wanted to emphasize that, like a father, he has chosen to love us. He has chosen to claim us. To not deny us. To preserve our relationship at all costs.

Ephesians 1:3-4 tells us that God chose us even before he formed the earth. In I John 4:19 we learn that he loved us before we loved him. That, I believe, is the essence of why God presents himself to us as a father. He wants us to know that we are not just loved, we are chosen.